Using My Sadness

Things in my life are getting tougher. Mom's health continues to decline and soon her time here...our time together...will be over. That's a lot to work through. Letting go of someone you love is a very hard thing to do. Knowing that I am letting her go, to be with our Father in heaven is comforting. It is still hard though. I will miss her terribly.
Keeping that in mind...I must say that overall, I am happier in my life now, than I ever have been. I am fortunate to be in a loving marriage, my daughters are growing up and becoming women who I am proud of and enjoy spending time with. I have several close, long time friends who are very supportive of me. My siblings and I get along great. My relationship with God is solid. And yet...I am always aware that at any moment, I could (and I often do) begin crying. Not the crumbling to the ground sobbing...but the quivering chin, tears streaming down my cheeks weeping.
I see this as being a very normal reaction to what I am going through. As I think about this, I picture myself being on a rocking horse. The best rides involve rocking forward and backward, forward and backward. And stopping in the middle now and again. Then forward and backward some more. Not too far in either direction...or else I'll tip over. That's how I see happiness and sorrow. To make my life-ride complete...I need both.
This got me thinking, if they are both equal in importance...is there anything else about them that is the same? I can't keep either inside for very long. I can't keep them to myself...or I feel like I'll burst. So...I snicker, giggle or laugh out loud...and I cry openly. And...when I am open and honest with people about my feelings (not hiding them) it is as if I am inviting them in. And if they choose to do so, we connect.
My sadness tells me I'm human. It tells me I have been blessed with a wonderful mother. My sadness is being a teacher to me. My tears ease my pain, and they speak to others when my voice fails. I marvel over how wonderfully made we are. It is good.